For years I have contemplated changing my Bluestarhome.net site to something more fitting. I created that in a fit of indignation after a mentor relationship did not turn out the way I felt it should. I thought the previous website and URL were tainted, and that this was me listening to my intuition. It was really emotion.
I have grieved my original domain name, BlueStarServices.net, but someone had already bought it. The question was really what and why was I grieving? I have not been able to articulate this until quite recently, so it wasn’t like I was running around asking myself this question. No, instead I was trapped in a victim mentality and didn’t even realize how disempowered I have been.
I am also very unmotivated. I was before, but after Erin died I became even more so. Things I wanted to do, needed to do, I just couldn’t make myself do them. So Bluestarhome.net has lived on, but has not been my home in a long time. This is probably why I let it go stale, and stopped writing. I can see now that it represents a period of years of inner rebellion that was marked by inaction and Why mentality. Why me? Why do I no longer provide services (which I loved)? Why this, why that? Even though I chose to ignore it, it is a familiar inner conversation.
A few months ago, my email address and full password was sold on the dark web. I was at work one day and began getting a slew of account change notifications in rapid succession. I knew it was linked to my email before I ever found out what happened for sure. Physically I experienced stress that I had not since Erin died. My body does not know the difference and it was quite painful and detrimental to my health. After 2.5 days, and then weeks of calming down my nervous system, I knew this was a symptom of time for a change. I asked for the new domain name just as I had with Blue Star Services, and was given Blue Lotus. It was then just a matter of finding an available URL with those words.
I will slowly be moving things from BlueStarHome.net here and one day will shut it down. It is time, and I took the first step today in writing what i did not know needed to be written. This endeavor will not be just about healing but about Resurrection. Google summed it up nicely:
…spiritual awakening, rebirth, purity, and the victory of the spirit over the senses
Many years ago (25?), a well known psychic told me that I was connected to the lotus. I had no idea why, what it meant, and may have thought she was just saying stuff. But she saw and I am grateful for the memory of it.
So I invite you to join in this journey with me. Will I still talk about grief? Yes, absolutely. I plan to bring all of my grief related blog articles with me so that anyone going through it can relate and know that they are going to be ok. That it is ok to feel those unwanted and painful feelings, and that they will resurrect from the deep dark hole they are in emotionally. I plan to discuss metaphysics and spiritual topics. I have gained so much understanding over my almost 30 year journey with this and hope to help someone awakening along the way. And I may discuss things going on in the world. There are patterns and forces at work that you need eyes to see and ears to hear to notice, so maybe I can present other ways of seeing them beyond emotions and politics.
Also, bear with me as I learn this version of WordPress. I don’t know my way around it yet. And lastly, yes I will be using AI for the images (but never the text). I am not a graphics person, but I can input my thoughts and tell it what I want. That’s what AI is meant for…not to think for me but to respond to my inquires and commands. Just want to clear that up for anyone who wonders.
Hope you all have a great day, and blessings to you.
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